Thrillers (Not the Michael Jackson Song)

I consider myself a fairly eclectic reader; if a book has an interesting premise or gets a good recommendation, I will probably pick it up, irregardless of genre or style.  One rule I have, however, is that I don't like to be scared.  Isn't life challenging enough without adding fictional fears?  This is why I mostly skip the thrillers.

I have read a few Stephen King novels, of which Dolores Claiborne was my favorite.  Probably because, unlike IT and Carrie and The TommyKnockers, there isn't really a supernatural scary element.  And for once, King really nails his female characters.  But mostly I'd rather be reading hilarious celebrity memoirs or Jane Austen.

Clearly, I am not someone who is up-to-date on the hottest new books.

However, a few years ago, I requested a book from the library based on a blurb in a magazine.  It sounded like it might be a little different, and the fact that it spent the year on best seller lists and must read trend posts had nothing to do with my decision to take it home with me.  The title of the book?  Gone Girl by Gillian Flynn.  I whizzed through it in a weekend, at a time when that meant a serious sacrifice of sleep on my part and attention on my husband's.  But I couldn't put it down.

What I loved about this book (and probably what made other people take notice) is that it tells a really interesting story.  We follow Nick as he discovers that his wife is missing, dead maybe, and his life begins to unravel.  Then, at the halfway point, this already good story gets a CRAZY twist and becomes something else.  Even though I finished the book quickly, I couldn't stop thinking about it.  I told friends to read it.  I dissected Nick and Amy and their marriage with my husband.  I went opening night to see the Ben Affleck/Rosamund Pike starring film adaptation.  I even picked up a copy of Sharp Objects, an earlier novel of Flynn's.  I enjoyed that book as well, though it left a different feeling, one of needing a shower and a desire to forget a story that was seared in my brain.  Both stories have great characters, and realistic (though unlikely) plots.  And they really made me wonder what sort of sick, messed up, dysfunctional life Gillian Flynn has led.  (I looked into it, and apparently she's totally normal.)

More recently, I met an author at a local library event and decided to read some of her work.  I brought home The Good Girl and Every Last Lie by Mary Kubica.  I read The Good Girl first, and although I didn't think it had much in common with Gone Girl in its tone or story, somehow it reminded me of how I felt when I read it.  The Good Girl is about a young woman who disappears (okay, so it has something in common with Gone Girl...) and it's told through the perspective of her mother, the detective investigating her disappearance, and the guy who kidnapped her.  CREEPY.  But The Good Girl is also told in this jumping timeline, so that some chapters occur during the search for Mia, and some tell the aftermath.  In fact, this isn't even a spoiler, because it's only about 15 pages in that it is revealed that Mia returns home.  The novel takes on this spiraling quality as it takes the reader to the final pages, where clues and information are scattered and only in the last chapter does a clear picture emerge.  There's also a surprising twist that is only VERY subtly hinted at through the story, although I'm sure some internet braggart somewhere is claiming that he totally saw it coming the whole time.  Congratulations sir, some of us still enjoy the wonder and mystery of life.

I was so impressed by The Good Girl and the technique and story mastery of its author that I hurried to read Every Last Lie, Kubica's latest.  If I'm being honest (and why wouldn't I be?), it was a let down.  The plot was just interesting enough to keep me going, though I often felt like each chapter was taking too long to get to the point, and the ending was disappointing.  That being said, Ms. Kubica has a couple of novels I still haven't read, and I'm willing to give them a chance because the first was just that good.

I recommend skipping Every Last Lie, unless you have nothing else to do or need to be reminded how happy you are that your children are no longer breast feeding.  Instead, read one of Gillian Flynn's books for a shivering creepfest that will make you turn to your husband at 2am and ask, "What have we done to each other?  What will we do to each other?" or possibly make you question your own sanity.  Or find The Good Girl and get sucked into a terrific puzzle that kept me guessing.

Churchill and Orwell

I believe the same thing happens to every woman who becomes a mother.  There is a period of time when caring for children and the day to day realities of life become all one can handle, and during this time, one may feel that she has lost her former self.  This was certainly the case for me, as I fed and diapered and cared for three young children.  It began to feel as though I was only this one thing, Mom, and any independent thoughts or interests I'd had in the past were gone forever.

Thankfully I can report that, a few years down the road, there is a return.  A sense of autonomy and individuality that is impossible when one is breastfeeding and keeping a schedule to ensure daily naps.  One of the things I used to be, and haven't been for almost a decade, is a history nerd and lover of diplomacy.  I named one of my sons Winston because of my love for all things Churchill, his wit, his leadership, his rousing speeches that kept the British people going during WW2.  So I was already going to love Thomas E. Ricks book, Churchill and Orwell: The Fight for Freedom.  But another thing I did in my former life was voraciously consume science fiction novels.  Especially the classics, like Fahrenheit 451, A Brave New World, 2001: A Space Odyssey, and of course, 1984.  When I heard the author speaking about these two men in an  interview on Terri Gross, I knew I had to read it.

This book delighted me, and not just because it is well-written and thoroughly explores how the British fought back against the Nazis in WW2.  (I don't think that we, as Americans, appreciate just how different our world is today because of their tenacity and the extraordinary vision of their leader, although watching "The Man in the High Castle" on Amazon has certainly affected my view.)  I also loved reading something so thorough and smart.  I haven't come across the word "suzerainty" since college.  What's more, Mr. Ricks takes two men (the eponymous Winston Churchill and George Orwell) who are wildly different, and yet, for these years of war on their island, their lives bear striking similarities to one another.  This book flowed like a well-told story, and kept me returning day after day to read more.  I can only speak as someone who at one point in time was steeped in WW2 history, but I believe that anyone who decides to sit down with this book will learn something they didn't know.  And if you are someone who thinks that history is dull or hard to follow, this might be the work that changes your mind.

There are two major takeaways that are still reverberating in my mind although I finished the book and even read a mystery novel after.  The first concerns Churchill the wartime politician.  As Mr. Ricks writes in his final summary, "Many people around them expected evil to triumph and sought to make their peace with it.  These two did not."  I think this is why I was so disappointed during our most recent presidential election.  I wanted a politician who stood up and demonstrated true principles, to see among the candidates seeking the highest office in our country a person of courage and integrity.  Winston Churchill did this before war broke out in Europe.  He was often the only person in England's House of Commons sounding the warning alarm about Adolf Hitler and the danger he posed to freedom everywhere.  Even when his career suffered and his peers ignored him, he didn't back down, and he didn't change.  So when the war did come, when the other countries of Europe crumbled and surrendered to the German blitzkrieg, Churchill was ready to lead Britain to stand firm.  We could use more people like him in leadership.

The other idea that I appreciate from this study of Churchill and Orwell is the idea of remaining critical of something we love and support.  Too often I see this hypocrisy among people, that so long as it is their "side" involved, then whatever that group is doing is fine.  There was the immature refrain during President Obama's terms in office that he was "not my president."  And as much as people rolled their eyes, as soon as the tables turned and a Republican president took office, the counter was Donald Trump is "not my president."  We should be more like George Orwell, a man who supported the spread of liberal thought and communist practices, yet who remained an outspoken opponent to the kind of totalitarian state that Joseph Stalin was implementing in Russia.  It wasn't that Orwell was against socialism and collectivism, it was that he believed they could be accomplished without murdering all of one's political opponents and starving one's people.  He didn't want to bring down the Soviet Union, he wanted to make it better.  And so should we, here in our country, not defend the reprehensible, but we should hold each other and our leaders to a higher standard.  As Mr. Ricks writes, "In a world based on facts, in which the individual has the right to perceive and decide those facts on his or her own, the state must earn the allegiance of its citizens.  When it fails to live up to its rhetoric, it begins to forfeit that loyalty."  If you vote Republican because you believe in lowering taxes and having smaller government, if you find that your beliefs align more with a social conservativism, then vote your conscience.  It doesn't mean you have to defend a politician who brags about sexually assaulting women and tweets obsessively about TV shows when he has a country to run.  If you vote Democrat because you see the government as a means to improving the lives of our citizens and you desperately want to use tax dollars to fund healthcare and food programs and affordable housing, then go for it.  You should still be able to recognize short-comings in your candidates, and acknowledge the role back door deals in the DNC affected the outcome our election.

"To refuse to run with the herd is generally harder than it looks.  To break with the most powerful among that herd requires unusual depth of character and clarity of mind.  But it is a path we should all strive for if we are to preserve the right to think, speak, and act independently, heeding the dictates not of the state or of fashionable thought, but of our own consciences.  In most places and most of the time, liberty is not a product of military action.  Rather, it is something alive that grows or diminishes every day, in how we think and communicate, how we treat each other in our public discourse, in what we value and reward as a society, and how we do that.  Churchill and Orwell showed us the way."  If you are looking for a well-researched true story that inspires you to live a more principaled, courageous life, I recommend Churchill and Orwell: The Fight for Freedom.  And then consider dusting off your copy of 1984 or Churchill's war memoirs.

Explaining Adoption to Young Children

We are proud parents, and have been blessed three times over with energetic, healthy boys.  The first two arrived in the traditional manner, after 9 uncomfortable, exhausting months of pregnancy.  The third kiddo came from a different source.  He came to our home after a year of questions and meetings and training classes and seemingly endless paperwork.  He was our first foster placement.

When we adopted him almost two years later, we were already well on the way to discovering resources to explain adoption to young children.  We had been prepping our then 4 year old and 2 year old that this baby would be different, and might not stay very long.  I found a Children's Bible with a simplified story of Moses in the Nile to be concrete enough for them to understand.

Over the years, we have introduced the idea of birth moms and adoptive families through many wonderful books and movies.  Here are some of my favorites:

1. We Belong Together, by Todd Parr

Really any Todd Parr book is great to read with your kids.  They will love the simple, colorful pictures, and you will love the messages of inclusion, love, and kindness that he shares.  We Belong Together shows many different kinds of adoption and how families are made.  I read this book to my son's preschool class to explain how adoption works.

2. God Found Us You, by Lisa Tawn Bergren

This story is just the right length for preschool attention spans, and shares the touching story of a Mommy Fox and her Fox cub talking about how they came together.  In simple language, the Mommy tells her cub how hard it was to see all the other animals having babies when she longed for one of her own, and the cub asks if the Mom who gave birth to him looks like him.  I think this story resonates with the many feelings around adoption:  sadness, loss, joy, attachment, curiosity, and love.

3. Tell Me Again About the Night I Was Born, by Jamie Lee Curtis

If you haven't checked out Jamie Lee Curtis's children's books (with hysterical illustrations by Laura Cornell), then stop now and get to your local bookstore or library.  The author captures the language of children so perfectly, and they love to read along.  Tell Me Again is a great story, especially for those who adopted internationally, about a child repeating a much-loved tale of how she was brought into her family.

4. The Tummy Mummy, by Michelle Madrid-Branch

Of the many books available about adoption, very few even mention birth parents (Let's change that, book publishers!).  The Tummy Mummy tells children about the journey taken by a birth mother, and describes adoptive parents as the Arm Parents.  I love this terminology and have taken to using it when I talk to my son about the two women he calls "Mommy".  This is a great book for those in an open adoption.

Movies are a little trickier.  They tend to portray orphans in antiquated terms, as impoverished, unloved, neglected burdens on crazed caretakers.  But some children's movies are beginning to show adoption in a more positive light, and sharing positive messages about family.  Here are some I like:

1. Meet the Robinsons

Somehow I missed this movie when it came out, probably because I was busy getting married and not paying close attention to family films.  But we discovered it recently, and our children love to watch it.  The final montage always makes me cry, because the movie introduces us to Lewis, an orphan who is quickly reaching an age when no one will adopt him.  He tries to invent a machine that will show him who is birth mother is, hoping to find her and reunite.  Instead, he travels to the future and meets the Robinsons, a wacky family where he finally fits in.  This movie is funny and full of heart, and enjoyable for the whole family to watch together.

2. Despicable Me

I'm not sure if my kids are even aware of the adoption story taking place between Gru, Margo, Edith, and Agnes, instead being captivated by the hilarious little Minions.  But this movie has a wonderful message about the transformative power of love, and shows that family can sometimes find you when you least expect it.  I also love the songs and catchy visuals.

3. Big Hero 6

This is another movie that blends adoption subtly.  Hiro is being raised by his aunt (Hey there, kinship adoption!), but the bigger story is the early and sudden loss of his brother, Tadoshi.  I think the greatest benefit of Big Hero 6 to families explaining adoption is the emotional tone of the film, and how we all cope with separation, death, and grief.  Hiro spends most of the movie plotting revenge for his brother's death, but in the end, learns that those we love will always live in our hearts and memories.  He also finds a group of friends that encourage him and take over the role that Tadoshi used to play in his life.

4. Elf

My kids are just getting old enough to enjoy Elf at Christmastime, and they definitely picked up on the fact that Buddy has a Dad at the North Pole and a Dad in New York.  I love this movie's humor and the way Buddy is ultimately able to incorporate his human side and his elf side and have a family of his own.  This is another great resource for open adoptions!

This list is by no means all-inclusive, just a few that I've enjoyed and incorporated into my family's discussion of adoption.  If you have stories that you use to explain adoption to your children, share in the comments!

Agnes Grey

I'm a huge fan of classic novels.  In the past few years, I've been working my way through Jane Austen's six novels.  I had to re-read Sense and Sensibility, because when I first read it in high school I didn't really understand it.  A decade and a half of living (and a few seasons of Downton Abbey) has helped to clear up the confusion about British courtship customs of the 19th century.  I preferred Mansfield Park, though, the tale of overlooked cousin Fanny Brice, to the adventures of Marianne and Eleanor Dashwood.

More recently, I picked up a copy of Agnes Grey from my local library.  This book was written by Anne Bronte, younger sister of Charlotte and Emily.  I enjoyed a read through of Wuthering Heights not long ago, and the film adaptation from 2011, and a copy of Jane Eyre has been sitting on my bookshelf for the past several years.  The Bronte sisters had much in common with Jane Austen, having never married, the poor daughters of ministers who began writing about the romance they didn't get to experience, before dying at relatively young ages.

Although I feel like Jane Austen was a bit obsessed with marrying off her characters to appropriate men, and the Bronte sisters didn't seem to share her optimism.  Their heroines marry brutes, and run wild on the moors (or maybe that was just Cathy...I should really read Jane Eyre).  Agnes Grey follows a different path, recounting the tales of a cash-strapped governess and the families who mistreat her while she attempts to educate their children.

Agnes is an interesting main character, chafing under her family's insistence that she is still a baby and deciding to go out on her own to make a living, then struggling to rein in unruly students and miserable host families.  It reminds me of a Victorian Nanny Diaries in the way it exposes the mistreatment of the elite towards their domestic help.  At the time it was published, one book reviewer thought the author must have bribed a governess in order to nail the accurate portrayal of the torments of her life.  In fact, the book is based on the experiences of Anne Bronte herself, and the families she lived with in the role of governess.  I'm also surprised at how much still feels true about the characters of this book, from their religious views to the differing opinions about child-rearing.

If you are a fan of the Bronte sisters or want to read more about English society in the mid-1800's, pick up a copy of Agnes Grey.  The Penguin Classics edition contains a very informative introduction exploring the lives of the Brontes and women like them, as well as the mark their books made on the publishing industry.  Agnes' story will make you think twice about how you treat those who serve you, from the teenagers at McDonald's to the men and women educating your children.

God and Jetfire

I listen to NPR whenever I'm driving.  It all started when I had babies in the car and they were soothed by the classical music played by my college radio station.  The format has changed a bit, so there is less classical on-air during the day, but my growing children seem to be equally soothed by the honey-soaked voices of the NPR radio programs that play with more frequency.  My two favorites are Terri Gross of "Fresh Air" and John Ashbrook of "On Point".

NPR actually feels like the news, like factual tellings of what is going on in the world.  Not the grabby headlines or people shouting at each other about whether or not Kim Kardashian is a good mother, but stories about real people doing all kinds of different work and facing struggles and what should actually matter to all of us.  Plus interviews with celebrities like David Duchovny, Louis CK, Amy Shumer, and Tina Fey.

All that to say that I heard about the book God and Jetfire by Amy Seek when she was interviewed a few months back, and I immediately made a note to find her book and read it.  As an adoptive mom who has a friendly relationship with my son's first mother, I have been curious for years about what is going on inside the mind of the other woman my son calls Mama.  An open adoption relationship is kind of like marriage:  it begins with two people, two families, circling each other, dating, trying to figure out if something more long term and permanent is possible.  Nobody goes on a first date and hammers the other person with questions about the most personal, deeply felt, potentially hurtful moments of their life.  We begin by finding common ground, shared interests, funny childhood stories.  It can take a long time to get to the truly foundational heart issues, and some relationships never make it there.

So instead of taking my son's birth mom out to coffee and going through my list of over 100 questions (yes, adoptive parents have long lists too!) about how our situation makes her feel, and what different milestones and special occasions set off silent heartbreak, I read Amy Seek's beautiful book, chronicling her pregnancy and decision to place her child with an adoptive family.  Once her son is born and custody is transferred, the book continues to tell Amy's story, about what life is like after adoption and what she frequently calls "this great experiment" of open adoption.

Although she is only recounting her own experience, Amy answers questions and provides insight for  the hidden member of the adoption triad:  the often secret and rarely discussed birth mothers.  What makes a woman choose adoption for her child?  What is it like to carry a baby inside you and go through the trauma and exultation of labor...and then deposit that child in the arms of another woman (or man, or family, depending on the circumstance)?  What is it like to return to your "old life" knowing that someone who looks like you and carries your DNA inside them is embarking on a life which you will largely miss out on?  What thoughts go through your mind when you are with your child, who is now also someone else's child?  What thoughts go through your mind when you leave?  What hopes do you have for your child, for his adoptive parents, for yourself?  How do you handle regret, disappointment, family outrage about your choices, even subsequent pregnancies?

Even if I wasn't actively involved in adoption, I would still read this book.  The author, an architect by day, writes in a beautiful prose that thoughtfully lays out the circumstances and choices of her life, and the reactions of all the people impacted by those choices.  She tells a valuable story about motherhood and charting the unknown.  I wholeheartedly applaud her courage in writing this book and choosing what she thought was best not just for herself, but for her son as well.  Start the new year with a great book!

Celebrity Memoirs

It's time to tell the truth, and if you've known me for very long, it should come as no surprise: I love to read celebrity memoirs.  I love the gossip, the splendor, the incredibly different world inhabited by those few beautiful humans known to us all.  Reading a celebrity memoir is like having 20 years of US Weekly packaged together; it is famous people opening the doors of their homes and bedrooms and on-location trailers and letting us peek through the closets and cupboards.

This summer I read what might be my favorite celebrity memoir, Choose Your Own Autobiography by Neil Patrick Harris.  This is likely the most creative memoir I've read, as you truly must choose which path to follow in order for the book to make any sense.  However, at the end of each chapter, you are directed to a true account of something which has happened in NPH's life or a fake one.  Following these rabbit holes leads you to an account of Neil Patrick Harris, the clerk at a local video store dreaming of fame; Neil Patrick Harris dying in an avalanche on his way to visit Big Bird; Neil Patrick Harris, suburban nice guy best known for performing magic at children's birthday parties.  But if you choose correctly, you get to read about a young boy from New Mexico taking a jump into acting at the tender age of 15; moving to LA with his parents to film a successful tv show (Doogie Howser MD, a favorite show of mine in the late '80s); NPH the acclaimed stage actor; Neil, the young man stumbling through the confusing world of human sexuality, and ultimately arriving at an answer that means love and marriage and beautiful twins; Neil Patrick Harris, once again starring on a successful tv show (How I Met Your Mother, or HIMYM for fans like me).

This book is fun, a little trippy, at times laugh-out-loud crazy, and other times incredibly tender and sweet.  I had the thought when I had exhausted every page and finally put the book down, that perhaps NPH had chosen this particular format because, for a celebrity, he has lived a relatively normal, well-adjusted life.  Interject a chapter of him being born to a crack addict mother or written from the point-of-view of Barney Stinson to scintillate the reader looking for some juicy gossip or disbelieving the tales of parental love and magic clubs in the hills above LA.  Despite the false leads, the Neil Patrick Harris narrating his life distinguishes himself from the characters he's best known for playing (including a version of himself in the Harold & Kumar movies) as a man who is both sensitive to others and curious about how things work.  He has strong loyalties to his family and friends and recognizes that his early success and career as an actor has opened doors for him to experience the world and seems truly grateful for it.  He describes moments of uncertainty professionally, moments when it was absolutely necessary to have a PR person on staff, and the difficulty of becoming a father privately.

In recent years, I've found time to read many autobiographies from people I've seen on tv.  I really enjoy sTORItelling by Tori Spelling, who I watched over the years on 90210 and various made for tv movies.  She has published subsequent books about her life as a mother and reality show star, but I chose not to read those in favor of her mother's book, Stories from Candy Land.  Because, if celebrity blood in the water is what you want, what could be better than a mother and daughter feuding with each other via memoir?  Another book I enjoyed was Judy Greer's I Don't Know What You Know Me From.  Judy is Hollywood's favorite supporting actress, playing the slutty best friend or harried assistant to the likes of Jennifer Lopez, Katherine Heigl, and Jennifer Garner.  I loved her most on Arrested Development, as the insane Bluth Company secretary, Kitty.

I've read books by Lisa Rinna, Anne Heche, Paul Feig, Amy Pohler, Tina Fey, Mindy Kaling, Kate Gosselin, Lena Dunham, Aiden Shaw, Nora Ephron, and Chelsea Handler.  Scanning through the Amazon top sellers in Celebrity Memoir, I see even more that look good.  I didn't know Candice Bergen wrote a book!  Why is Bill Murray's memoir all about golf?  What was it like behind the scenes at the Price is Right, the Playboy Mansion, the Warner Brothers studio?  Curiosity has me in its grips.

A few things I've learned from reading about the lives of celebrities from their (ghost authors') mouths:

• Money and fame are great, but really we all have hard choices and unexpected joys.  The houses might be nicer, a baby nurse and agent necessary, and heart breaks a little more public, but we are all people.  We love, we fight, we make bad choices, from time to time, we get some things right.
• Celebrities have lives off-screen, often populated by people I've never heard of.  While I might expect that someone's co-stars are the most important figures in their lives, I've often found that celebrities more often hang out with non-famous people.  They have friends from high school or trusted hair stylists or gay husbands who go out to dinner with them, take trips to the beach together, and become godparents to each other's children.
• Everyone has had something embarrassing happen to them in a bathroom.  Whether at summer camp or middle school or the Oscars, our most private moments have the greatest chance at becoming humiliating.

How do you feel about memoirs?  Do you read books by "serious" people like politicians and chefs and public school teachers, or do you love a gossip-soaked celebrity tale?  Who has topped your list of favorite author/public figure?

Wonder

"I think there should be a rule that everyone in the world

should get a standing ovation at least once in their lives."

I picked up the YA novel "Wonder" at the library this week.  I've been taking the boys this summer so they can collect prizes for the summer reading contest and usually snagging something good for myself too.  Our library had encouraged everyone to read this particular book as part of a "One Community, One Book" initiative, and upon completing it, I can understand why.  "Wonder" is one of those well-written YA books that is full of heart and truth and beauty, whose characters feel like people you know and whose ending makes the tears flow freely.  

The story centers on Auggie, a ten year old boy with a craniofacial abnormality who is starting school for the first time...middle school.  I cringed through the first few chapters, because Auggie is instantly so sweet and likable, and I knew his experience immersing with his peers for the first time was sure to be painful.  And yet I hoped that light would break through the darkness, that love would win out over fear, that the "ordinary kid with an extraordinary face" would make it to the end of fifth grade without being overwhelmed by cruelty.

The novel switches narrators periodically, from Auggie to his sister to his classmates at school and back to Auggie again.  This is a great technique to understand the motivation of different characters, especially since Auggie misses things sometimes.  It also gives the other characters a chance to be fully fleshed out, truly human, in a way that third person narrative doesn't usually accomplish.

So that's the story.  Now on to the all the feelings.  Because "Wonder" is not just an entertaining story, it's an unflinching look at human nature, and a lesson in true kindness.  I wish I'd had it when I was a middle-schooler, but I'm glad that it has been popular with kids as well as adults.  I read this book as a parent...a parent who is just two years away from sending her 5th grader with special needs to middle school.  My son is on the Autism Spectrum; he has the reverse of Auggie's problem.  See, Auggie has a hard time making friends because he looks so different, and that scares most kids.  But those who get close enough to talk to him and know him, find out that he has a great personality and a wicked sense of humor.  My sweet James looks like everyone else, but when kids try to play with him or talk to him, his problems with expressive communication become a real barrier to true friendship.  I'm encouraged by Summer, who sits with Auggie at lunch on the first day and learns to look past his face.  But then I wonder what it will be like, what it is like for James as he goes through school.  How can he overcome the obstacles and connect with his peers?

And here's the truth:  I worry about sending my son to middle school because I remember my own years in middle school.  People were not nice to me.  And I was not nice back.  I was so concerned about what other people thought that I forgot to think about whether I liked myself.  If my son had been a kid at my school, I probably would have made fun of him with my friends and gone out of my way to avoid him.  For anyone else who developed compassion a little late in the game, I have only this consolation to give...we can't go back and change how we acted.  We can't get a do over for the missed opportunities to be kind.  But we can pass on what we've learned to our children.  We can raise boys and girls who won't be scared of differences, but will change the tone of childhood for the next generation.  We can raise awareness and learn from the past.  We can make sure our kids understand Mr. Browne's September precept:  "When given the choice between being right or being kind, choose kind." (Dr. Wayne W. Dyer)  And we can teach them that every person is a wonder to someone.

"Miranda's words keep coming back:  the universe was not kind to Auggie Pullman.  My head swirls on this, but then softer thoughts soothe...no, no, it's not all random, if it really was all random, then the universe would abandon us completely.  And the universe doesn't.  It takes care of its most fragile creations in ways we can't see.  Like parents who adore you blindly.  And a big sister who feels guilty for being human over you.  And a little gravelly-voiced kid whose friends have left him over you.  And even a pink-haired girl who carries your picture in her wallet.  Maybe it is a lottery, but the universe makes it all even out in the end."    ~"Wonder" by RJ Palacio 

And if that's not enough to tug at your heart, watch this video entitled "I am Auggie Pullman".....