Celebrity Memoirs

It's time to tell the truth, and if you've known me for very long, it should come as no surprise: I love to read celebrity memoirs.  I love the gossip, the splendor, the incredibly different world inhabited by those few beautiful humans known to us all.  Reading a celebrity memoir is like having 20 years of US Weekly packaged together; it is famous people opening the doors of their homes and bedrooms and on-location trailers and letting us peek through the closets and cupboards.

This summer I read what might be my favorite celebrity memoir, Choose Your Own Autobiography by Neil Patrick Harris.  This is likely the most creative memoir I've read, as you truly must choose which path to follow in order for the book to make any sense.  However, at the end of each chapter, you are directed to a true account of something which has happened in NPH's life or a fake one.  Following these rabbit holes leads you to an account of Neil Patrick Harris, the clerk at a local video store dreaming of fame; Neil Patrick Harris dying in an avalanche on his way to visit Big Bird; Neil Patrick Harris, suburban nice guy best known for performing magic at children's birthday parties.  But if you choose correctly, you get to read about a young boy from New Mexico taking a jump into acting at the tender age of 15; moving to LA with his parents to film a successful tv show (Doogie Howser MD, a favorite show of mine in the late '80s); NPH the acclaimed stage actor; Neil, the young man stumbling through the confusing world of human sexuality, and ultimately arriving at an answer that means love and marriage and beautiful twins; Neil Patrick Harris, once again starring on a successful tv show (How I Met Your Mother, or HIMYM for fans like me).

This book is fun, a little trippy, at times laugh-out-loud crazy, and other times incredibly tender and sweet.  I had the thought when I had exhausted every page and finally put the book down, that perhaps NPH had chosen this particular format because, for a celebrity, he has lived a relatively normal, well-adjusted life.  Interject a chapter of him being born to a crack addict mother or written from the point-of-view of Barney Stinson to scintillate the reader looking for some juicy gossip or disbelieving the tales of parental love and magic clubs in the hills above LA.  Despite the false leads, the Neil Patrick Harris narrating his life distinguishes himself from the characters he's best known for playing (including a version of himself in the Harold & Kumar movies) as a man who is both sensitive to others and curious about how things work.  He has strong loyalties to his family and friends and recognizes that his early success and career as an actor has opened doors for him to experience the world and seems truly grateful for it.  He describes moments of uncertainty professionally, moments when it was absolutely necessary to have a PR person on staff, and the difficulty of becoming a father privately.

In recent years, I've found time to read many autobiographies from people I've seen on tv.  I really enjoy sTORItelling by Tori Spelling, who I watched over the years on 90210 and various made for tv movies.  She has published subsequent books about her life as a mother and reality show star, but I chose not to read those in favor of her mother's book, Stories from Candy Land.  Because, if celebrity blood in the water is what you want, what could be better than a mother and daughter feuding with each other via memoir?  Another book I enjoyed was Judy Greer's I Don't Know What You Know Me From.  Judy is Hollywood's favorite supporting actress, playing the slutty best friend or harried assistant to the likes of Jennifer Lopez, Katherine Heigl, and Jennifer Garner.  I loved her most on Arrested Development, as the insane Bluth Company secretary, Kitty.

I've read books by Lisa Rinna, Anne Heche, Paul Feig, Amy Pohler, Tina Fey, Mindy Kaling, Kate Gosselin, Lena Dunham, Aiden Shaw, Nora Ephron, and Chelsea Handler.  Scanning through the Amazon top sellers in Celebrity Memoir, I see even more that look good.  I didn't know Candice Bergen wrote a book!  Why is Bill Murray's memoir all about golf?  What was it like behind the scenes at the Price is Right, the Playboy Mansion, the Warner Brothers studio?  Curiosity has me in its grips.

A few things I've learned from reading about the lives of celebrities from their (ghost authors') mouths:

• Money and fame are great, but really we all have hard choices and unexpected joys.  The houses might be nicer, a baby nurse and agent necessary, and heart breaks a little more public, but we are all people.  We love, we fight, we make bad choices, from time to time, we get some things right.
• Celebrities have lives off-screen, often populated by people I've never heard of.  While I might expect that someone's co-stars are the most important figures in their lives, I've often found that celebrities more often hang out with non-famous people.  They have friends from high school or trusted hair stylists or gay husbands who go out to dinner with them, take trips to the beach together, and become godparents to each other's children.
• Everyone has had something embarrassing happen to them in a bathroom.  Whether at summer camp or middle school or the Oscars, our most private moments have the greatest chance at becoming humiliating.

How do you feel about memoirs?  Do you read books by "serious" people like politicians and chefs and public school teachers, or do you love a gossip-soaked celebrity tale?  Who has topped your list of favorite author/public figure?

Wonder

"I think there should be a rule that everyone in the world

should get a standing ovation at least once in their lives."

I picked up the YA novel "Wonder" at the library this week.  I've been taking the boys this summer so they can collect prizes for the summer reading contest and usually snagging something good for myself too.  Our library had encouraged everyone to read this particular book as part of a "One Community, One Book" initiative, and upon completing it, I can understand why.  "Wonder" is one of those well-written YA books that is full of heart and truth and beauty, whose characters feel like people you know and whose ending makes the tears flow freely.  

The story centers on Auggie, a ten year old boy with a craniofacial abnormality who is starting school for the first time...middle school.  I cringed through the first few chapters, because Auggie is instantly so sweet and likable, and I knew his experience immersing with his peers for the first time was sure to be painful.  And yet I hoped that light would break through the darkness, that love would win out over fear, that the "ordinary kid with an extraordinary face" would make it to the end of fifth grade without being overwhelmed by cruelty.

The novel switches narrators periodically, from Auggie to his sister to his classmates at school and back to Auggie again.  This is a great technique to understand the motivation of different characters, especially since Auggie misses things sometimes.  It also gives the other characters a chance to be fully fleshed out, truly human, in a way that third person narrative doesn't usually accomplish.

So that's the story.  Now on to the all the feelings.  Because "Wonder" is not just an entertaining story, it's an unflinching look at human nature, and a lesson in true kindness.  I wish I'd had it when I was a middle-schooler, but I'm glad that it has been popular with kids as well as adults.  I read this book as a parent...a parent who is just two years away from sending her 5th grader with special needs to middle school.  My son is on the Autism Spectrum; he has the reverse of Auggie's problem.  See, Auggie has a hard time making friends because he looks so different, and that scares most kids.  But those who get close enough to talk to him and know him, find out that he has a great personality and a wicked sense of humor.  My sweet James looks like everyone else, but when kids try to play with him or talk to him, his problems with expressive communication become a real barrier to true friendship.  I'm encouraged by Summer, who sits with Auggie at lunch on the first day and learns to look past his face.  But then I wonder what it will be like, what it is like for James as he goes through school.  How can he overcome the obstacles and connect with his peers?

And here's the truth:  I worry about sending my son to middle school because I remember my own years in middle school.  People were not nice to me.  And I was not nice back.  I was so concerned about what other people thought that I forgot to think about whether I liked myself.  If my son had been a kid at my school, I probably would have made fun of him with my friends and gone out of my way to avoid him.  For anyone else who developed compassion a little late in the game, I have only this consolation to give...we can't go back and change how we acted.  We can't get a do over for the missed opportunities to be kind.  But we can pass on what we've learned to our children.  We can raise boys and girls who won't be scared of differences, but will change the tone of childhood for the next generation.  We can raise awareness and learn from the past.  We can make sure our kids understand Mr. Browne's September precept:  "When given the choice between being right or being kind, choose kind." (Dr. Wayne W. Dyer)  And we can teach them that every person is a wonder to someone.

"Miranda's words keep coming back:  the universe was not kind to Auggie Pullman.  My head swirls on this, but then softer thoughts soothe...no, no, it's not all random, if it really was all random, then the universe would abandon us completely.  And the universe doesn't.  It takes care of its most fragile creations in ways we can't see.  Like parents who adore you blindly.  And a big sister who feels guilty for being human over you.  And a little gravelly-voiced kid whose friends have left him over you.  And even a pink-haired girl who carries your picture in her wallet.  Maybe it is a lottery, but the universe makes it all even out in the end."    ~"Wonder" by RJ Palacio 

And if that's not enough to tug at your heart, watch this video entitled "I am Auggie Pullman".....

The World According to Garp

"If Garp could have been granted one vast and

naive wish, it would have been that he could make

the world safe.  For children and for grownups.

The world struck Garp as unnecessarily perilous

for both."

This month has been a slow reading time (and a binge-watching Netflix time).  I'm waiting on some books reserved at the library, and so I grabbed an old favorite off the bookshelf.  I first read John Irving in high school; I believe the first of his books that I read was A Prayer for Owen Meany.  That book wrecked me.  It was so beautiful and heart-breaking and, at times, hilariously titillating.  I worked my way through most of his work up through the early 2000's, with Owen Meany remaining my favorite, one that I have read over and over throughout my adult years.  I also enjoyed The Cider House Rules, which was made into a fairly successful film and earned John Irving an Oscar nomination for adapted screenplay.  I did a group project on The Cider House Rules my senior year of high school, and I think it's obvious that its themes of orphans and unwanted pregnancies affected me, as I later became an adoptive mom.  Oh yes, I read them all, from Setting Free the Bears and The Water-Method Man to Son of the Circus and Trying to Save Piggy Sneed. 

But the book that is currently laying next to my bed is John Irving's first huge success, The World According to Garp.  I remember giggling over some of the sexualized passages with a friend in study hall, and as I'm re-reading it, I realize that so much of the material dealt with in the novel went right over my adolescent head.  Also, I forgot how funny the writing is.  There are so many ways the language and word choice serves multiple purposes, so many jokes and turns of phrase throughout Garp that I'm only now appreciating.  According to Wikipedia, this is the work that made Irving "independently wealthy", and it's not hard to see why.  Garp is shocking; it is honest.  The main character is frustratingly arrogant and deeply flawed; he is likewise naive and kind.  The book is filled out by a cast of characters who are completely outlandish and also terribly relatable.  As I lay Garp down and turn off the light each night, I find myself asking HOW?  How did John Irving write this?  What is his secret?  What can I do to capture the world according to Rachel as well?

It's not exactly beach reading, but my current recommendation is to check out John Irving.  Start with The World According to Garp.  If you have time, follow with Owen Meany, Cider House, and A Widow for One Year.  Then gear up for Avenue of Mysteries, Irving's new book to be released fall 2015.  Prepare to laugh, then cry, then laugh a little harder as the tears continue streaming down your face.

Books on Marriage

There are many books published each year on the subject of marriage.  How to Divorce-Proof Your Marriage.  The Five Love Languages.  His Needs/Her Needs.  The Complete Idiot's Guide to Marriage.  I have picked up many of these books and started to read them.  Then put most of them down after the first chapter.  My biggest complaint about marriage books is the tone of condescension that runs throughout.  "He left his socks on the floor...again!"  "She spends too much time on the phone with her mother!"  And we all (supposedly) have a good laugh about how men and women are different without ever scratching the surface of what makes marriage hard or what makes marriage good.  Not to mention that neither of these "problems" has ever occurred in my own relationship.

That's why I was so pleased this past year to read two really helpful, good books about marriage.  The first was Love and Respect by Dr. Emerson Eggerichs.  Since he is a marriage counselor, this book had the typical "case studies", which can be a little dry or hokey.  "Steve was burned out after a long day at the office, and Miranda just wanted someone to listen.  Eventually Steve learned to open his ears and Miranda got a bikini wax."  (Wait, was that from the Sex & the City movie?)  Anyway, this book's use of the real-life couples was not so bad as to put me off from reading it, and it had some very good insights.  In his description of "the Crazy Cycle", I recognized a pattern that Chris and I have frequently participated in.

The other book I read was The ZimZum of Love by Rob and Kristen Bell.  I have always been a fan of Rob Bell's work, and I was interested that he chose to write with his wife when tackling the issue of intimacy and marriage (especially since he went solo on a book called Sex God).  The ZimZum was not just full of wisdom, it was fun to read.  Instead of narratives and didactic messages, the words are broken up by stick figure drawings and transcribed "conversations" between Rob and Kristen.  This book just sounded so much like the relationship that I have with my husband...it was real and honest and full of laughter.

My biggest takeaway from both books is this idea that our spouse morphs from the person we love more than anyone into our enemy.  We get to the point where every. little. thing. sends us into a rage spiral, thinking this person is against me, he is disrespectful or dismissive or insulting.  But why?  Why would we ever think that our spouse of all people is trying to destroy our happiness?  I think I tend to just forget that we are a team.  I don't communicate how the little things make me feel until they've turned into a big thing.  What seems like insensitivity is often just inattentiveness.  So my focus is to remain on the same side as my husband, instead of turning against him like an Old West showdown.  Figuring out how to work together so that we both are feeling loved and valued, side by side as we journey through this life.

Anne of Green Gables

"Well, anyway, when I am grown up," said Anne decidedly,

"I'm always going to talk to little girls as if they were too, and I'll

never laugh when they use big words.  I know from

sorrowful experience how that hurts one's feelings."

I remember the start of 5th grade so clearly: in a new school building, with lockers and changing classes, riding the bus for the first time, I felt so grown up.  And during the first week of school, as we were orienting to the building, I was led into the library.  What a glorious place!  So much bigger than the elementary library, with lots of tables.  It was in this room that many interests were launched.  Greek mythology, great inventors like Wilbur and Orrville Wright, and, most importantly, the books of L.M. Montgomery.  It was in the library at my intermediate school that I discovered my literary "kindred spirit", Anne Shirley.

I bonded to Anne immediately: she is described as being gangly, talkative, and overly imaginative.  Check, check, and oh yeah, check.  When I discovered Anne of Green Gables, I suddenly knew that I wasn't alone.  In fact, there might be little girls throughout time and space who were awkward nerds loving their made up worlds yet also kind of wishing they could fit in.  Reading about Anne running around naming all the trees near her house and playing in the woods with her friend, the echo made me feel less weird as I explored the underground sewers of my neighborhood and collected rocks.  Knowing that Anne devoured books and memorized poetry made me feel better about the stacks of books I brought home from the library.  And reading about Anne's fits of anger let me know that I wasn't the only one with that problem.  There was only one thing keeping me from being Anne in real life...the color of my hair.  Although Anne bemoans her red hair throughout her life, I secretly began to wish that my blonde hair would suddenly turn bright red.  Then I would wear it in two braids and let it grow long, and later wear it in giant buns as Anne did when she left Avonlea for college.

Not only did Anne provide a much needed sign that I wasn't born wrong, she offered a promise that gave me hope.  I was never going to be the most popular girl in school, but Anne showed me that all I really needed was one true friend, and that would be enough.  She was right.  Shortly after discovering Anne, I met my own "Diana Barry", a friend who proved loyal and kind no matter what.  Just like Diana provided a normalizing presence to Anne, so Melissa gave me an anchor in the real world.  Anne shows us that everyone, no matter their quirky habits or plain, homemade dresses, is capable of finding a friend.  There was another promise that came later in the Anne series, a promise that once a smart young woman has accomplished all she hopes to and starts looking around for a boyfriend or husband, one will appear.  No, teenage boys do not find smart girls with biting senses of humor attractive.  But we have too much on our minds to worry about it at the time, so it's okay.  But later, well, later we want someone to appreciate our wit and fall in love with us, flaws and all.  And my young heart took the resolution of Anne's adult love story and clung to the idea that the very boys who suffered my wrath in school would someday become handsome suitors wanting more than anything to marry me.  And again, I only needed one.

So, for this especially cold and snowy month of February, my recommendation is to wrap up in a warm blanket and re-read Anne of Green Gables by L.M. Montgomery.  And if this weather doesn't let up, I just might read through the whole series to Rilla of Ingleside.

*Did you know that Prince Edward Island has begun capitalizing on it's literary fame and offering Anne of Green Gables vacation packages?  Can you say Bucket List?